ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
