sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
