I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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