so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
