Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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