Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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