I accidentally had phone sex last night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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