Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize