The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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