btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
