You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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