She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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