I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
