I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
