Sponge bath it is.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
