Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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