You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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