boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
