whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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