I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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