I wish I could punch you in the face.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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