the new term for farting is butt boxing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
