some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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