The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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