Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
never play flip cup with pint glasses
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
