I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
