even my farts smell like vagina
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In other news, I just burned my penis
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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