The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize