i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
