Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
