he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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