Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
