Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
