When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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