haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
