the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
