Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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