and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore