im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
