Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
someone owes me an orgasm
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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