i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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