Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
