so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
