I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
