It's like a parade of train wrecks.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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