Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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