glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
