I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
