And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
