Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
