If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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