i just had sex bonerless
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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