Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.