Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex