Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌