Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.