Im at strip club and am horny
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
