There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."