it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night