He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend