are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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