Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.