I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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