i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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