I puked a lego.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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