Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
