Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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