That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
