put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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